“Why me?”

Why me?

It’s pretty rare that some form of those words doesn’t cross my mind when life kicks me in the face. There is something about adversity that provokes reflection, as if there must be some reason for why I would ever experience any kind of difficulty. There is something in me (depravity?) that gravitates to a cause/effect explanation for my pain.

With lesser trials, I can chalk them up to me being a sinful guy living in a sinful world that can’t help but produce problems. But when life gets real gritty, real painful, real confusing, I naturally grope around for something to justify my hardship. “Surely I’ve done something to deserve this!”

The biggest problem comes when I can’t put my finger on some horrific, rebellious sin that would warrant (in my finite brain) such severe circumstances. I’m left with little more than self-pity … “Why me?” And somehow the answer to that question ends up having something to do with God … He’s distant, silent, harsh, insensitive, demanding, unfair, etc.

The great mystery is this: Why am I not equally inclined to reflect this way (cause/effect) when things go my way, when I get what I want … even more than I want? Why am I not as surprised that God would lavish goodness and grace on me, a sinner?

In my best moments of clarity, I am truly overwhelmed by the thought that God would even be mindful of me. I resonate with the words of Psalm 8, “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?” I am deeply encouraged by the idea (James 1:17) that “every good gift [big or small] and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

Believe it or not, throughout this season of trial, Kimberly and I have been amazed, comforted and reassured by the tidal wave of “good and perfect gifts” we have received through God’s word, God’s Spirit and God’s people. It sounds ridiculous to me even as I write it, but Kimberly and I have truly asked “Why us?” with regard to the goodness and grace we have experienced as a direct result of walking this shadowy path … as if it were a privilege, not a drudgery.

At the end of the day, we want to be equally willing (Job 2:10) to receive good and adversity from the Lord knowing that regardless of our circumstances, we are His beloved, cherished so completely that He would lay down His life to comfort us in our present pain, and one day deliver us into the glory of His presence. With that in mind, we can say with the psalmist (Ps 4:6–7), “There are many who say, ‘Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!’ You have put more joy in my heart than [those people] have when their grain and wine abound.”

Grace upon grace

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